Monday, June 27, 2011


Just to keep you all updated on my life, the problem with my summer grad school program I talked about on Saturday and then later on in this post has made it so that I have to leave early. So all day today I will be flying back to Boston and then being driven back to Maine. This does not mean that I'm dropping out of grad school, in fact, I had a great time and learned a lot. I just can't stay as long as I had planned this summer. I am, however, probably going to be dealing with a lot of stress from travel, jet lag, and dealing with my college, so I may not reply to comments as promptly as I usually do. Still, I have three blog posts scheduled for this week, and I hope you enjoy them all.

I did have a different post planned for today, but I figured I'd talk about something a little more relevant to what is happening in my life right now.

As you all know, I'm currently attending a summer grad school session in Colorado. While I am keeping pretty busy and having a good time, the stress level of the work has been aggravated by the huge administrative mistake I was talking about on Saturday. Add to that the fact that I've been pretty horny with no good release for about four weeks now, and I'm just in a really bad place.

It struck me on Saturday, when I was walking around to take my mind off of things (as well as cruising and striking out in a restroom), that I was getting laid more often in high school than I am now. That doesn't seem right. I mean, sure, it is a bit harder to meet people and I'm a bit more discriminating in partners than I was back then. And now that I top, I have to deal with bottoms who are nervous or worry that they might miss out on the hot top sugar daddy who will take care of them for life if they spend a few hours with me. Angry ranting aside, I've been feeling somewhat sexually frustrated recently.

And very recently my frustrations have been coming out in my dreams.

At first it was pretty basic stuff, not really sexy. Wednesday night of last week I had a dream where for a while Rob the Breeder, Frank O'Hara (a dead poet) and I were at a coffee shop drinking and talking. Rob and Frank were being pretty normal, but I was subtly (or not) trying to get a three-way started before my dream morphed into me winning a hamburger eating contest.
This is what Frank O'Hara looked like, if you wondered.
That dream made sense. Wednesday I thought about Rob a lot, partly, I'm sure, due to my blog post on him. And later that day I was told that my writing was clearly influenced by Frank O'Hara. But the dreams got less understandable and more sexy, until Saturday night when I had a really crazy and amazing sex dream. The events in it are pretty much now officially one of my fantasies.

It started out pretty normal, I was walking through a park on a path covered by trees. I came to what was basically a dog area and sat on a bench and kinda wished I had a dog, but then I had one and it was bugging me so I just let it fall out of the dream. Then a limo-like car pulled up and the window rolled down and a male and female couple stuck their heads out and called me over. In moments we were at their apartment and they were naked and making out with each other. I figured that I was sort of there to watch so I started just jerking. But then two more guys came into the room and stripped naked too. Then the woman started tying the men up and blindfolding them. She was dressed like a picture perfect dominatrix and I too was dressed differently in leather chaps and boots. She and I then systematically beat and fucked the three other men in the room. It was really hot and in the context of the dream I was pretty much able to do anything I wanted.

When I woke up from this dream I was incredibly horny and made somewhat of a quick run to the bathroom to jerk off and relax. It was probably one of the hottest sex dreams I had ever had, but it also annoyed me. I usually only have sex dreams if I'm sick, and I never have had wet dreams. I was getting off regularly enough as a young man that I didn't have to worry about shooting in my sleep. So why then did I have this hot dream? It is because I'm not getting off enough. I'm in an apartment with 3 other guys, sharing a bedroom with one, and on campus pretty much all day every day. There's not really enough privacy for jerking off and I can't bring guest over to fuck. I'm just really strung out these days.

I just hope that once this whole event is over and behind me I'll be getting laid regularly again. And that I'll be less stressed by the administration at my college fucking me over.


  1. You do sound like there is a lot of stress in your grad program -- and not enough sex in your life. And that is awful to have to run to the bathroom to jerkoff. Couldn't you do it under the covers? I used to when I had roommates

  2. Ace my friend,
    Iknow that you had some bad moments in Colorado but everything will be ok and that you will get through it. You are a very well minded person so it going to get into place. Usually, wet dreams come because you didn't get laid often and the testosterones are higher and also from thinking about somebody special or fantasie that you would have. It's very normal to have some, i still have them often and sometimes they are pretty wild. Hope you take some time to relax when you get home.


  3. Hey Ace,

    Face it buddy -- you are an extremely sexual person so whether you are getting laid in your dreams, virtually through your blogs, writing in your journals or knocking with some hot guy -- your need to connect is a fundamental force within you. If your grad school stress or any other life stressor is throwing you a hurdle, it is going to inhibit your need for expression. It is all temporary. Don't fight it. Ride it out. Your equilibrium will return. Trust me.

  4. Anon 8:45AM,

    The problem with jerking unde the sheets was that the room was so small, my roommate and I were practically sharing a bed. Add to that the fact that we didn't really use sheets because it was too hot at night, and there is a problem. So there was no way I could get away with it.


  5. Yves,

    My big plan is to relax. I figure, there is no sense in stressing over what I can't control.


  6. Loki,

    Thanks man. You're right, of course, I am a deeply sexual and physical person. I just need to get my groove back.