Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Meeting the Breeder Again Part 2: The Memory

Over a month ago Rob posted a beautiful entry in his blog about our second encounter and the memories he stopped for a three count to make. To this post I commented: "Sounds to me like you remembered all the best parts. :) That night was so special to me, I could never pick out just one, two, or fifteen moments and call them my favorite. I would be doing a disservice to the thousands of other moments that made me so happy I wanted to melt down into you, that drove me crazy with need for you, desire to keep touching you. That night was amazing and every day since I left you has been a blur. The only true memories are of my time with you."


That comment still holds true to this day and is part of the reason I decided to make this story a three parter. When I decided to make my own memory post (out of a sense of love and connection) I thought about which moments to highlight and I was stunned by the number of amazing moments there were from that night. There was so much that happened, so much emotion, so many times I felt so completely in love with this beautiful man. I just couldn't think of the right one. 


But then I remembered a moment I felt could at least sum up the evening emotionally for me. Well, it can't do anything justice, really, but it is the closest I've been able to come in the month since this event happened. This moment is one I will keep locked in my heart as I wait until the day Rob and I see each other again. And for added fun: this is a moment Rob may not even know about until he reads it.


We were lying together in his bed, me totally naked and him in just a shirt. My body still tingled from his touches and my mouth still tasted of his skin. I sometimes have trouble sharing a bed with someone, especially someone I've never slept with before. But with Rob I was out like a light. I felt that comfortable.


Comfort does not mean I slept any deeper than my usual shallow dream state. I woke up in the middle of the night to feel the warmth of his body move away from me slightly as he rolled and moved in his sleep. My eyes opened and stared at the clock across from the bed. The green numbers glared 3:02 at me and I rolled over content in knowing I had many hours of sleep left. But then my mind moved far way from sleep.


I could see Rob's body, perfect in his slumber. He was a shadow outlined in the sparse light that glowed in the room. I watched him breathing slowly and I felt his heat radiate off his body. I wanted to reach out and touch him, but hesitated, afraid to wake him and ruin this moment I had to really study him. And I felt a warmth spread out through me. Last week I made a comment in my blog about how I have been forced to pour concrete into the scars and holes in my heart. Looking at Rob was like letting a river inside me, washing away the hardness I had created. Looking at him and knowing how much he cared for me, and how much I cared for him, made me melt. And I'm not using this as a metaphor here. It felt almost literally as if something inside of me melted and I became more fluid. I felt as though I could wrap this man in my body and cover him, protect him from pain and suffering. I would protect him like a mother protecting her child. I knew in that moment that I valued having this man in my life more than almost any of my other loved ones.


If that's not love, than I have never been in love before. If that isn't love, than I don't know anything about love or the art of making love.


Because that's what Rob and I have done. The two of us have joined together, and out of that joining love was formed. And  even now, when we are separated by many more miles than the slightly more than two hour drive I took to see him, I still feel a deep love. I realize that I likely sound obsessive and stalker-ish, but I'm not that crazy. I love him, but I don't cling to him. Sure, his smile brightens my day and his voice hardens my cock, but I can love him from afar, savoring the times we do meet. I can do that because I have this perfect memory of my love for him, and many memories on top of that. 

4 comments:

  1. Is it possible to find something both endearing and sweet, and be embarrassed at the same time? Because as heart-warming as this entry is (and it really, really is), I also get mortified at being watched in my noisy sleep.

    You're very kind to me, though, kiddo. Despite having heard me snore.

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  2. Rob,

    It must be possible if you're doing it. You snoring is like a cat purring compared to my father who you could hear from the other side of the house as if he were right next to you. And to be honest, I don't remember you snoring that much. And trust me, what I watched of your slumber was nothing short of beautiful.

    -Ace

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  3. Ace my friend,
    Yoy told me yesterday that i would be all tears up and i am. That is an amazing post and i think that you have a special place in your heart for him and i can understand why. My heart is in my throat just by reading this. I never felt that in my life, love somebody but never been loved by anybody yet. Hope that one day i will have that special moment with somebody. Thank you for this post and can't wait fot # 3 man. you made me cry again tonight, i'm sure that you like that a bit, i'm a big romantic man but never show it to anybody.

    Yves

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  4. Yves,

    Being a romantic isn't a bad thing. I think it is pretty clear that I am too. I'm sure that someday you'll find what you're looking for. We all do eventually.

    -Ace

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