Sunday, November 13, 2011

Formspring and the Much Better Weekend

I want to start off thanking everybody for all the wonderful support I received in my blog post on Friday. I don't like to make whiny, griping, posts like that often, but it seems like my life has been worth whining about lately. And filled with many more problems than sexy solutions. So I apologize for turning what was meant to be a blog purely exploring my sex life into a place where I also rant about my day-to-day life. I do try to keep my personal problems to a minimum, but some things just need to be shared; and I will usually share with you all when it is a big enough problem for me to have to put my blog on hold.

The good news is, I've been getting relatively more sleep recently than I was at the start of the week. In fact, my weekend has actually been very nice so far. From spending time with a loved one on his birthday to hanging out with some sexy bears in a local band last night, I have had a lot of fun. I certainly have been smiling more than frowning, and that is always a good sign.

With that, on to the questions. I'm going to start off today's post with a few that I received in my email before diving in to my Formspring account (both places where you can ask me anything). I honestly answer all questions that are too personal or insulting.

Have you even been in a 3-some where you were in the middle and gotten fucked while you were fucking someone else.

No, I have never been in the middle of a three-some. The closest I have come to that is getting my ass played with while I was fucking someone else. Or wearing a butt plug while fucking. But I've never been the meat of the sandwich.

What is your favorite type of foreplay?

It really would depend on my mood and the person I am with. Cuddling is great foreplay for me, but is just as likely to lead to me falling asleep if I'm not well-rested. I love kissing and am considered a great kisser. When I'm match with another skilled kisser, I'm guaranteed to get hard. I can get hard watching kissing.

What is your favorite position to fuck in?

I'm a fan of "Splitting the Bamboo" especially when the guy is rolled more onto the side of the bottom leg.

What is your favorite position to bottom in (I know you don't bottom much anymore)?

Doggy or laying face down is good these days because it hurts less. When I was a power bottom, I was also pretty flexible, so I got in some pretty fun positions with my legs up by my ears.

Do you use a cock ring and if yes, what kind?

I do. Mine is of the leather strap that snaps variety, which I like a lot except you have to be very careful about catching your pubes in it. Still, I like being able to control how tight it is without worrying about if it will get stuck.

What toys do you like to use? Do you use them on yourself, or your partner?

I love toys of all kinds. Nipple clamps, dildos, butt plugs, paddles, all are good. I love when a bottom wants me to work their hole over with some toys before I fuck them. Gets me hot and in the mood.

Now for some Formspring:

When you don't have the energy to do something, what do you use to motivate yourself?

Generally I use food as a motivation tool. Like if I finish I'll give myself a treat. Sometimes that doesn't work though. I've had papers or something I had to write where I was so unmotivated that I was struggling to write a paragraph at a time, each paragraph rewarded by one cute puppy or kitten video on YouTube.

In an ideal relationship, what would you spend the majority of your time doing?

Do you mean as a couple? Because in an ideal relationship I would spend most of my personal time doing what I do now: reading, writing, and watching movies. As a couple I guess chatting and touching. I like it when you are with someone so much that you stop noticing you are touching, only when you stop.

Age wise, what do you consider old?

I can't even see it as being an age thing. I know a guy who is 62, looks like he's in his 40s, and acts like he is even younger. And I know people who are in their 30s and act like they're dying. It really depends on a lot of things. There's not set age where I could say, "Dude's freaking old." Though 80 seems to be a pretty good cut-off. But I'm sure some day I'll meet a spritely 80 year old and be proven wrong.

What is your opinion on armpit hair?

Love it. I don't need a guy to have it, but I love when he does. And I really hate when I lift up a guy's arm and see a rash from shaving. As a former competitive swimmer who used to regularly shave his armpits, I have to say: Learn how to shave it right.

Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?

Hmmm...My answer to this is complex. I would say yes, because I know how and I wouldn't want to let my neglect be the cause of any kind of death. However, I'm no longer certified to perform CPR, so really someone who is should do it. If there is a certified person around, they should do it. Other than that, I don't see why not.

What's your leather collection like and what would you like to get next?

I don't have a lot because leather is expensive and I'm just a graduate student who only ever had time to work in the summers. I have two harnesses (my favorite is the one at the top of my blog), two boots, pants, a vest, and three wrist gauntlets. I also have a leather cock ring. For my next leather purchase, I'd like to save my money for a good pair of chaps.

What was your worse date? with who? and what made it so bad?

I don't really have any bad date stories. I usually don't go on a date with anyone who doesn't have anything in common with me, and I'm really good at talking and making conversation progress. A date with me is usually very enjoyable even if I never go on a date with you again.

Have you ever had sex with a "straight" guy?

I've had sex with plenty of straight guys, minus the sarcastic quotes. I don't understand the assumption some people make that straight guys can't have gay sex and still be straight. It fits in line with the dumb assumption that bisexuality doesn't exist. As someone who has had plenty of unromantic sex, I can tell you that sex doesn't require you to be romantically attracted to the one you're with. Just because a guy doesn't want to develop a relationship with the male gender he isn't then prohibited from having sex with that gender. That's a strangely ignorant thought that has hung on into these supposedly more sexually free times.

That's all for this week. I look forward to answering more soon. 


  1. I'd just like to comment on the CPR question to you. I assume that the reader was attemmpting to refer to the possible off-putting aspects of giving mouth to mouth to someone whose dental hygeine might not be the best. Well, there's good news. The new American Heart Association guidelines for CPR call for skipping the mouth to mouth and just doing 100 chest compressions per minute with clasped fingers over the breast in the area of the nipple line. Most people who need CPR already have sufficient oxygen in their bodies; they just need to get it circulated to the brain.

    Oh, and by the way, certification for this form of CPR is not required. EVERYONE should learn how to give CPR. You never know when it might be needed.

  2. Anon 9:07am,

    You're very right about all of that. I would also add that mouth-to-mouth is rarely done even with rescue breathing. You generally use a breathing mask of some kind to prevent exposure to certain regurgitated body fluids that can spill out.


  3. There is a great deal of wisdom in your response about having sex with a straight man. Our bodies are made to give and receive pleasure; gender and labeling has nothing to do with that -- too many of us get hung up on gay, bi, straight, etc., and miss the point of two people, who may happen to share the same biological equipment, sharing pleasure. Rjd

  4. RJD,

    My thoughts exactly. Sex is sex. If you don't like both genders, who cares? If you do, who cares? Why do we have to fit every person in to these labels?


  5. The age question seems to always be geared to the older side of age but you never see the question geared to the younger (over 18) side of age.

    Does a 50 year old really what sex or a relationship with a 20 year old?

    To bad more people don't turn a blinds eye on age and just judge the person for who they are.

  6. Cyberi4a,

    God knows that it would have to be a pretty spectacular 20 year old for me to want a relationship with him or her. I wouldn't even want one with 20 year old me.


  7. @cyberi4a: "Does a 50 year old really [want] sex or a relationship with a 20 year old?"

    As a 57-year old, I'm completely open to sex with young men. In the last couple of years, the youngest guy was just turning 20, the next eldest is 22 now. In both situations these are pretty inexperienced kids who came to me as much for training as anything else, and with me training starts with helping a guy explore his body, his pleasure, his boundaries and his needs. I've provided the same mentoring for much older men too.

    If I understand your use of the term properly, would be a very remarkable young man to entice me into a relationship, however. It takes a remarkable man of any age to tempt me into a relationship - but this is more my reticence about relationships period, than anything about the hypothetical men in question. [As it has come to pass, I am in a relationship now - got in under my radar - with a man nearly 16 years my junior. Not quite inter-generational romance. ;-)]


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