I'm not a stranger to the lies that we sometimes tell to get sex. When I was younger I definitely lost my virginity a lot more often than is physically possible. I also lied about my age depending on the situation I was in (like saying I was 18 when I clearly wasn't). These days, however, I'm pretty much straight forward when I'm talking about myself. Some people question that I'm so experienced for my age, but honestly, I've been legal to have sex for four and a half years now. It isn't unreasonable that in that time I've been around a lot. And most guys aren't surprised to learn that I was having sex before I turned 18. I don't think many people live in a world where underage sex and exploration in high school are totally unheard of. So I've stopped hiding that much of myself from people.
I also don't lie about weight, size, height, or any other physical aspects. I don't use pictures that are from years ago, and I don't talk about doing things that I've never done. For them most part, guys online really appreciate my candor and I find that it helps me get more hook-ups and more repeats than I would otherwise. I really just don't see any reason to lie anyway. Most guys find my maturity and my experience to be a good thing. It means that I'm not some new twink off the bus who needs to be guided through everything and emotionally held at every stop on the way. There's nothing wrong with that, but when guys want a quick hook up or are twice my age, they are usually looking for someone a little bit more stable. And there's nothing wrong with that either. There are plenty of guys who would be happy to guide a virgin in his twenties, but my profiles and conversations make me more attractive to the guys who are looking for something different.
So it has been a while since I had to lie to someone.
Recently, however, a lot of the guys I talk to online have been a bit, well, intimidated by my level of experience. These are men in their thirties and forties who have trouble with the fact that a younger guy may have been with more men than they have. Or have tried more things in bed than they have. Or get a bit more kinky than they do. I don't mind and I don't judge. One of the first things I always say to people who are chatting with me is that I go from mild to wild, depending on the guy. I'm just as good at cuddling and slow, sensual sex as I am at face-paced pounding. It is all about the individual experience for me.
But for some guys I've been talking to recently, that's not reassuring enough. They seem to think that, because I'm so experienced on the more aggressive end of sex, that I won't be content with just their regular, vanilla sex. And, to a certain extent, they're right. I would not be content with just vanilla sex for the rest of my life, same way I wouldn't be content with only BDSM the rest of my life. I need a healthy mix. But, for all intents and purposes, with that one person, that one time, I would be perfectly fine to just slowly explore their body and gently do what it is I love to do.
Apparently that isn't good enough for them. I found myself, in the midst of the conversation, reverting to the old habit of lying about my experience. Obviously I didn't try to claim that I was still a virgin flower needing to be plucked, but I did end up downplaying my level of experience. "I haven't been with THAT many guys," I wrote at one point. At another I said, "Well, that's just something I'm interested in, I haven't done much with leather besides one or two trips to the bar." Both of those are lies. They aren't horrible lies that I should be ashamed of, and I am sure someone else online was telling lies much worse while I was giving my little white ones. But it still made me stop and think about what I was doing.
Why was I telling these strange half-lies? What exactly was behind me covering up a past that I've chosen not to regret? After all, don't I talk about it here in my blog often? My experiences are hardly hidden online, and anyone who asks when I'm chatting with them will get an honest (if not abbreviated) answer. I don't shout my experiences from the roof tops, and I don't talk about my slutty bottom years with all my friends, but if someone finds out or the topic comes up, I usually don't balk or shy away. What was making me do it in this case? Sure, I was horny and wanted to hook up, and sure, I was stuck in a string of these guys who seemed to not know what to do with my forwardness, but should that mean I lie about my desires and my past?
How much of ourselves are we willing to deny just to get laid? I used to think that, in my case, it was very little. But how different am I than those guys who post fake pictures or lie about age and weight? After all, they're probably just reacting to a long string of guys rejecting them, the same way I was.
I think the lesson we all need to learn is not to take rejection to heart, but not to reflect it back either. It is so easy to misrepresent ourselves online these days, that it almost isn't a conscious choice. But I am a firm believer that, no matter your body type, there is someone out there looking for you. And I know there are people out there looking for a sometimes soft, sometimes dirty, hairy guy like me. So why change myself or lie to fit the standards of a few guys that reject me? I should spend that time looking for the guy that will want me, right?